A letter to me.

Hey there, you! Where have you been hiding out?

I was just about to dive into updating a draft chapter of my thesis today when you popped in! It's been forever since I sat down to unravel the mysteries of academia. Today, I actually felt like a well-rested human before settling into my office. Oh, did I mention? After a wild six-month rollercoaster of surgery and rehab, I promised myself to carve out some quality time during my workweek for my doctoral studies. I’m not ashamed to admit, last year, I put work on a pedestal, I was on a mission to prove my disabilities were not in charge and could join the queue of importance behind me and guess what? My body decided to remind me that this was not a work-life balance—it was more like a solo ride down a giant slide! Now, I've started writing one day a week (during work hours, on a Thursday, because I have allocated hours for it) to focus on my thesis. I neglected this space too. When I have rejunuviated at the weekend, I will dedicate time to write then too. I imagine a Dr Who™ like transformation every Sunday morning!

Thursday is the day. I have committed, and dedicated time and space to myself to complete my thesis. I give myself permission, guilt free. And my supervisory team think this is a fab approach too.

Why Thursday, You Ask?

Great question! Thursday was our designated 'doctorate day' for the first two years of study, it enforced a routine, something i could not miss. Don't you remember, the adjustment to this time? So it was in the middle of lockdown. My supervisory team is usually around on a Thursday, which means fewer meetings to crash my perfectly planned week (yes, it's all mapped out until December, naturally! I have designed it with flexible spaces for the unknowns). Plus, most of my hospital appointments seem to land on a Thursday, so if I need to dash out, I don’t feel as guilty since it just nibbles away at my writing day! This way, I'm not completely brain-fried (Fridays are when I dodge academic tasks), my body is doing fine, and my hand, still readjusting, isn't begging me to stop typing. Please, do not ask about the voice typing software; we had a falling out and haven't had time to rekindle our friendship. Today is Thursday, writing day, the day to indulge in research, thinking, reflecting, and yes, even a blog. My thoughts and experiences are part of the doctoral journey, after all. This is it, this is the key to being ready to think, read, write, repeat.

The Morning Routine: A Comedy of Errors

What I've realised is, even though I'm an early bird on workdays, I need to be fully recharged before my brain is ready to tackle research and my thesis. So, I indulge in a lie-in—woohoo!—although today, it was rudely interrupted by my mischievous dog, leaving a surprise on the carpet. Thanks, Reggie! Nothing like a little morning gift to kickstart the day! His counterpart, Miss Mabel, just bunkered down into the bed and gave him the pug 'side-eye'.

I enjoy breakfast on the sofa, either belting out tunes or catching up on what I affectionately call brain rot TV, the kind no one else in the house can bear! I even sneak in a nap. I know I'm ready to roll when the little switch in my head flips on and thoughts about my thesis and to-do lists start cramming into the elevator. You know, the one that only has room for my sanity and a few snacks! No room for you either, sorry!

And Finally

Well, eventually I made it to the office, set the lighting, the heating temperature, and logged on. I started to revisit a paragraph I highlighted last week as my key focus. I was in the zone. Then you arrived. Ha! It's as if your sparkly magical presence makes my tech go berserk, distracting my flow. Was it you? Or was it just a coincidence the mouse stopped working. Okay, yes, I admit I need a new mouse mat and haven't recharged the thing in a couple of months, but I'm blaming you anyway. That's when you suggested we start looking for a new mouse mat and a new mouse. I did not think twice about the paragraph, i left dangling, full of pomise. Before scanning the online shopping mall, you made me check for any student discounts too. Thirty minutes later, a mouse mat has been ordered. No mouse purchase, as I remembered where the charging cable was. Do you remember how I was able to locate the cable quite quickly? I knew the box of cables and electrical things everyone questioned at the time would come in useful. What do they know? And then, how joyful, I saw the stickers I promised a colleague for a creative session... sorting them out was just lovely, one for me, two for work. The rubber duck stickers are so cute... STOP what was I thinking? You are my friend, we are like twins and I enjoy our time together, however, your stay today, is too long and, despite deferring to a can of fizzy pop (don't judge me, my friend) and faffing with connecting the printer to the Wi-Fi, so I could print the paragraph out to review it and make edits, I need you to go away now. I am here, writing to you, to kindly ask you to sit quietly in the corner, or leave the room. Thank you.

Look at the time? It's time for lunch! Oh no!

Goodbye, Me.